Hey, you guys! Today’s word of the day? Druthers. An informal word that refers to the power or opportunity to choose—in other words, free choice. Example: If I had my druthers, I would quit my job and adopt 15 dogs.

Song of the day: Coachella is in full swing, and in honor of Missy Elliot performing this coming weekend, we’re throwing it back with her banger, “Work It.”

Need some advice? We have an answer for you here!

How To Live A Life You Never Planned For

 question 
How do I make peace with the fact that my life looks nothing like what I imagined it would when I was younger? LOL help! —T.

 answer 
First of all: same. Second of all: your life not matching your old vision doesn’t mean it’s wrong; it just means you’ve grown.

You’re not a failure for not ticking every box on that “Life Plan” your 22-year-old self wrote on a napkin with gel pens after two skinny margs. That version of you had good intentions but didn’t know everything yet, and now you do. Well, maybe not everything, but a heck of a lot more than you did back then.

Maybe you imagined a house, a family, that “dream job,” but instead, you’re in an apartment, questioning your job while eating dinner over the kitchen sink. That doesn’t mean you’re behind; it just means you’re human, and honestly? A lot more self-aware than you were back then.

Try this: Look at the parts of your life that bring you peace, growth, laughter, or even just a small sense of calm. That’s your new blueprint for life.

And remember, it’s not about what life was supposed to look like. It’s about how it feels to live it.

How To Stop Romanticizing The Wrong Person

 question 
For years, I’ve been in a constant pattern of dating and chasing after the wrong people. How do I stop romanticizing relationships that clearly aren’t right for me? —N.

 answer 
Gabi here, reporting for duty! I was talking to my therapist the other day, and she called me a “fixer.” At first, I was like, “Okay, and?!” And then she was very much like, “Yeah, you’re not going to fix or change anyone ever.” And well, as hard of a pill it is to swallow, she's so right.

First, let’s call this what it is: fantasy fanfiction starring you and someone emotionally unavailable. You don’t want to be with them, you want to be with their potential. A few ways to break the cycle of this miserable pattern?

• Start noticing how people make you feel, not just how they look in your head. If the vibe is “vaguely stressed, a little sad, and questioning your worth,” that’s not a soulmate. That’s just more therapy sessions to put on your tab.

• Romanticize respect on both sides. Period.

• And remember: your standards aren’t too high; you deserve a love that feels peaceful and safe, not something that constantly makes you question your sanity. 

Also, the next time you’re tempted to chase someone who treats you like an option, ask: “Would I let someone treat my best friend like this?” 

If the answer is “no,” then don’t be the exception. Annnnd now would be an excellent time to watch this scene from He’s Just Not That Into You.

Got a Q? We wanna hear it here! 

…while you rewatch Bernie Sanders at Coachella.

You all know our obsession with Caesar anything is real. So we’re quite literally obsessing over @CookWithAuds’ Chicken Caesar Smashed Tacos. 

We recently stumbled across The New Happy’s Instagram, and we’ll be scrolling the good vibes for the foreseeable future.

We can’t get enough of all of the responses to TuesdayCounseling’s TikTok asking, “What’s the most impactful thing a therapist has told you?” What’s yours? Reply to this email and let us know! We’d love to hear it.

That’s all for today! Thanks so much for reading today; we’ll see ya next week! Love you, mean it.

—Rod and Gabi