Rod: Setting boundaries and practicing moderation is healthy and necessary. 

I’ve been working really hard on setting boundaries. I’m a natural-born people pleaser, and in the past, I’ve bent over backward to appease others, which resulted in lots of stress and an overall decline in my mental health.

My therapist has helped me realize that just because I set boundaries doesn’t mean I’m offending or pushing people out of my life. I was always afraid of disappointing people when I said “no,” but I’ve come to peace knowing that I’m saying it for a good reason.

Another boundary I’ve been setting for myself revolves around food. As someone who has struggled with eating (overeating, undereating, and everything in between), mindfully practicing moderation has been a game changer for my eating habits. One way I do this?

Instead of completely restricting myself from certain foods at all times, I allow myself to buy and eat the foods that would normally "trigger" me when I’m craving them. I’ve found that the times when I completely restrict myself from certain foods, I end up ordering them on Uber Eats at 11 pm and feeling bad about my wallet and stomach at the same time.

Gabi: You can’t control what others do, you can only control yourself.

As the major control freak and fixer that I am, it was a big bummer to finally come to the realization (with major help from my therapist) that I can only control my own feelings and actions, no one else’s. No matter how hard I try, how many times I ask, how badly I want an outcome to be different, I’m only able to control ME. 

I’m the kind of person who puts my entire heart into things, including relationships, jobs, and even my color-coded closet. And while you’d think this would be a good thing, it comes with a lot of anxiety, worry, and sometimes disappointment when things don’t go as planned (AKA how I’d like them to).

Two things therapy has taught me to help me cope with this realization?

Accept the things I can’t control. As horrible as a situation may be, I’ve learned (and am still learning) to take a step back and realize it’s completely out of my hands. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change it, so worrying about it will do no good for myself or my mental health. 

Focus on what I can control. You know what’s better than worrying about something that you can’t change?

Being able to control something that you can.

While I can’t control what anyone else does, I can get up and go to the gym to get stronger, take a mental health day when I need a freaking break, call a friend when I feel lonely, and of course, get myself a little sweet treat when I feel like I deserve it.