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Thoughts on toxic positivity?
It’ll all be okay!!
Hey guys! We’ve been really into the “word of the day” lately, and today’s is Consternation. A strong feeling of surprise or sudden disappointment that causes confusion. It feels like we’re in a constant state of “consternation,” tbh, but okay.
Song of the day: We’re talking about toxic positivity today and what better way to kick this week’s edition off than with Pharell’s “Happy.” LOL.
Have a question you want an answer to? We want to hear from you! Email us here to ask your Q or honestly just to spill some tea.
—Rod
How To Deal With Toxic Positivity in Life
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If we hear the words “Don’t worry about it,” one more time when we absolutely will be worrying about it, we’re gonna have a menty b.
Enter toxic positivity, the belief that people should always keep a positive mindset, no matter how difficult or challenging a situation is. Admittedly, we’re fans of an occasional silver lining, but there’s a fine line between trying to comfort someone genuinely and dismissing any negative feelings when the roof is actually on fire.
Verywell Mind says toxic positivity “rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade.” Did somebody say Delulu?
And you’re in good company if you’ve experienced toxic positivity at some point in your life. A Science of People poll shows that 68% of those surveyed said they had experienced toxic positivity from someone in recent weeks.
Let’s chat about some “positive vibes only” scenarios and ways we can address them.
TP at work:
When you make a mistake, your boss lets it slide instead of addressing it. While this sounds ideal, it’s not so awesome that the same boss always responds with, “You can figure it out, I believe in you,” whenever you ask for more help.
How this makes us feel:
• Frustrated: You know they won’t get you more help, and you’ll stay burnt out (maybe time to look for another job??).
• Pressured: You feel a lot of pressure to figure it out by yourself.
How to respond: “I appreciate the positive outlook, but this isn’t going to help me get the job done, and I feel unsupported. I’d appreciate it if we could set up some time to go over a few things, including areas I’d like to improve on, which I’ll need your help with.”
TP in friendships:
A friend suggesting that “happiness is a choice” when you express sadness or worry. We’ve experienced this in many situations, especially in the grieving process. While positivity is generally good for your mental health, telling someone, “Don’t be depressed,” isn’t exactly the Rx they need.
How this makes us feel:
• Invalidated: If this friend has nothing valuable to say other than “live, laugh, love,” you’ll most likely stop telling them things that are important to you.
• Shamed: You feel as if you’re emotions are transferring to others in a negative way.
How to respond: “I love your enthusiasm and positive outlook on life, but right now, all I need is someone who can just listen and validate my emotions. Do you think you could do that for me?”
TP in family:
Any and all 90s kids have probably heard “oThErS hAvE it WoRsE” and “bE tHaNkFuL fOr WhAt YoU hAvE,” even now that we’re well into living our adult lives.
How this makes us feel:
• Unsupported: Not only could this be a reminder of a traumatic time when this was said to you growing up, but feeling unsupported often leads to distancing yourself and/or hiding things from family.
• Guilty: When you feel unable to express yourself, you often tend to bottle it up, which can spill over into other areas of your life.
How to respond: “While I love coming to you for advice, I would appreciate it if I wasn’t being treated/spoken to like a child, and can only keep coming to you if we can have conversations as adults.”
Got a Q for us to A? Submit yours here.
Things To Send in the Group Chat
…while you think everyone’s mad at you today for no reason.
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Celine Dion looks through photos with Vogue France and breaks down her old outfits, including that one time she wore the infamous Heart of the Ocean necklace and an “I love Paris Hilton” t-shirt. Vibes.
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Two of our favorite characters from two of our favorite shows in one room?! Jennifer Aniston and Quinta Brunson chat on the latest episode of Variety’s Actors on Actors, and we’re obsessed.
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It’s pasta salad season! (arguably one of the most important seasons, if you ask us). We’ll be whipping up @Healthyishfood’s recipe from Instagram and bringing this Chicken BLT Pasta Salad to the next BBQ you invite us to. 👀
That’s all for today! Thanks for hanging with us. Go have a little treat, and we’ll catch ya next Wednesday!
—Rod & Gabi
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