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What to do when you hate your friend's friend đ
Stop doing the most
Hi friends! Weâre back on our Word of the Day BS, and todayâs word is âbumfuzzle,â meaning âto confuse or fluster.â Example: I was bumfuzzled when my Gen Z coworker told me I had ârizz.â
Tunes for the week: Weâve had Chappell Roanâs âHot to Go!â in our heads ever since we saw her play last weekend at Lollapalooza.
Have a Q for us? Yap to us here.
Help! I Donât Like My Friendâs Friend
question
One of my closest friends of 20 years has a new friend who I donât like. I've tried to get to know them and see their strengths/value, but I've seen nothing but red flags. My friend doesn't see it, no matter how many people in our friend group say something. How do I cope with this new difficult addition to the group? âS.
answer
First, how dare your 20-year-old bestie have any other friends but you! Kidding. Second, weâve been here, and while itâs not a comfortable or easy situation, we give you kudos for trying. Letâs talk about some things you can do to maintain your friendship without recreating the infamous speech scene from Bridesmaids.
Be direct and honest. With you noticing more đ© with this person than during a soccer game, check in with your friend and let them know youâre coming from a place of concern. To get your point across without just saying, âI donât like them,â give a few examples of why youâre feeling this way. You donât want to tell your friend they shouldnât hang out with them, but they may not realize the issues, and an outsiderâs perspective (yours) can be helpful.
Distract yourself with others. Weâre all adults here and weâll probably have to be in the same room as this person at times because of birthdays, holidays, group events, etc. Odds are, youâll know other people at these things, so enjoy your time with them and donât let the presence of this âHelenâ ruin your night. Whatever you have to do to protect your peace, do it.
Itâs important to remember that although youâve known your friend for two decades, people change throughout life, and unfortunately (and fortunately sometimes), so do friendships. Your friend may have certain things in common with this other person they bond over, but so do you two, so donât let them come between the two of you!
How To Reel Back in Your Boundaries
question
I interviewed for a team leader position, but a colleague with âmore managerial experienceâ was chosen over me. For the last year and a half, I went above and beyond to prove myself worthy of the position, but now realize that I need to set some boundaries. My colleagues still come to me because I was the leader of our team up until now, and now I feel guilty telling them to go to the new person in charge. How do I deal with this kind of guilt? âE.
answer
Weâre sorry you didnât get the position, especially because you put a lot of time and energy into gearing up for it. Better things are ahead, but for now, letâs chat about setting these new boundaries.
A few thoughts for ya:
As much as you like helping others, itâs not your job in this role. Not to mention, youâre not being compensated for it. Sounds like a one-way ticket to Burnout Town if you ask us! If you find joy in mentoring others, have a conversation with your boss to see if there are any other opportunities available to fill that void. If not, it may be time to look at new roles internally and externally that allow you to do so.
The extra time and effort you busted your ass for the promotion can now be exerted (or not lol) elsewhere. This could be doing downward dog in the yoga class your busy schedule didnât allow for before or adding some additional downtime rotting on the couch after work instead of showing your Boomer coworker how to save a PDF.
A tip for the next time before you pour your heart and soul into a promotion opportunity? DO NOT CONSISTENTLY (*cough*for 1.5 YEARS!*cough*) DO MORE WORK THAN YOU WERE HIRED TO DO. You can still prove your worth in your current role without bending over backward.
Donât feel guilty for doing whatâs in your job description. And if youâre asked and expected to do more, you need to be compensated for it. Period.
Need some advice? We wanna hear it here!
âŠafter you rewatch every single one of Simone Bilesâ performances. đ€Ż
Okay, but back to Chappell Roan for a second. From playing on the street in 2021 to playing for 80,000 people at this yearâs Lollapalooza, what an inspiration to never give up your dream!
Thanks to whoever started the âDid Not Make The Olympics Cutâ viral trend. Weâve been LOLâing ever since.
This frozen Fruit Roll-Up grapes recipe by Tinka.Video on Instagram is the after-school snack of our dreams! đ
Thanks so much for reading! Weâll be back here next Wednesday, same time, same place! See you then.
âRod and Gabi
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